Mai Tai & Pulled Pork Paved Road to Happiness Tour: Not Quite Marco

This post is a little out of kilter, so to speak.
To give you some context as to why it even exist please read ahead.
We woke up comparatively early today but by the time we got our act together and had Tiz prepared bacon and eggs on toasted sweetbread (because I point blank refuse to call the bread they serve bread ) it was near 10:30.
We got going at ~11:00 and by the time we got home for "lunch" it was ~3:30.

We were wanting something lightish as the nights meal was going to be a little special, and probably quite large.

We figured that we had a good selection of stuff at home but there was no way I was going to stick it in between two piece of cake, which is what the bread here is, and call it sandwich.
We stopped off at the supermarket around the corner and I bought a pack semi prepared tortillas. "Semi prepared" because they need to be heated/cooked on a grill or a pan before serving.
Whilst I was doing the prep thing with them I thought I would taste one.
Dear Jesus on a bicycle, they too were sweet!
Not as sweet as the bread but SWEET nonetheless.
Is it any wonder they they beat us Aussies in the obesity race? NO, it is not.
Everything, EVERYTHING, is tooth rotting, arse bulging, artery hardening, heart stopping, diabetic producing sweet.

Americans, STOP PUTTING SUGAR IN EVERYTHING, please.

This plea comes from someone that loves sweets and dessert (or pudding if you're a Pommie) and is "mud guts". I love sweeties but too much is TOO MUCH.

Rant over.

Greg sat down for lunch and made a comment about how innovative I am, based on his belief that no-one but me would think of of using pork scratchings in lieu of pulled pork, in a tortilla.
Nice thought mate, but I reckon a thousand other hungry fatso's, that didn't have pulled pork around when they were going to make a tortilla wrap, have used pork scratchings.

So, I grabbed my phone and started taking pics, which made me think of Not Quiet Nigella, which is one of my favourite blogs written by Lorraine Elliot

which in turn reminded me of

(this photo is soooo 'shopped!

Nigella has not had hips that slender since she was prepubescent!

Not that I have ever looked, or anything ....... )

Those who know me well, it is now time to stop what you're thinking.

Enough said.

After a wee while I started to think I should pay homage to the two cooks above and then I thought of ....

Hahahaha

how utterly inappropriate is that for a cooking/eating blog or any reference to food, no matter how utterly shitty it might be, is that photo?

But, it, and the whole story about this man and his history, suits me down to the ground.

Ergo, I give you

***

NOT QUITE MARCO

by Marino Cattapan

First of all -The Ingredients

1* For North Americans - Attempt to purchase tortillas with 0% sugar, but knowing how impossible this will be for you anything under 80% sugar content will probably do.

For Australians - Buy a pack of tortillas

2* Pork scatchings.

Preferably the vegan variety.

Make them yourself. Buy them off the shelf. Whatever.

Please not that you must have these

3* Mixed olives

The mix must contain ripping hot chilis.

That's it

4* Tomato, basil and red onion salad.

This ingredient is a little tricky as the ratio of the three must be precise.

Tiz is prepared to travel, overseas if need be, to prepare this dish for anyone that would like her to do it.

Her fees are reasonable and her riders are les than extravagant.

She does insist on taking her staff, me, with her.

5* Queso - dos tipos

The first variety of choice should be a stinky, but tasty, soft blue.

If you're preparing this dish for some sooky lala you can substitute the appropriate queso with a brie, but only after you berate the "Oh, I don't like smelly cheeses 'cos they make me sick." person for being boring and lacking any will to learn new tastes.

....... oops, sorry, I think I may have gone too far. ;-P